“I have two happy things”

08/04/2009

When the mother decided to study abroad, her youngest daughter (6 years old) cried bitterly whereas the eldest (8 years old) consoled, "Don’t cry. If you cry, Mom can’t keep her mind on her study". It is the unforgettable story happening over 20 years ago when Dr. Nguyen Thi Ngoc Tram set off for postgraduate abroad in Bulgaria. She frets, “Is there anyone letting her husband raise their children all by himself without torment? However, the pleasant acceptance and the will to volunteer to take up the maternal responsibility of my husband helped me have a peace of mind. In other words, I owe him.”

Back to Vietnam, as Director of National pharmaceutical Research and Development Centre, she continued concentrating on studying Crinum latifolium L. used for treating uterine fibroids, breast fibroids, and benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). Her successful work brought her 2006 Kovalevskaya Award. Reaching her retirement age, this energetic woman set up her own company (Thien Duoc Co. Ltd.), built a million-dollar pharmaceutical material processing factory for the promotion of Royal Virgin plant. In the inauguration day of the factory, we saw her play “leading role” while her husband strenuously welcomed and served guests with drinks. Many people found it strange, when an intellectual from Hanoi - Lecturer Nguyen Manh Hung accepted to be "the rear" of his wife.
Mr. Hung confided, “Outsiders will see it very perplexed or they will think I must sacrifice so much for my wife’s career. In fact, it is not. I do not see it as a sacrifice. Sacrifice is giving away what belongs to us, abandoning our own personal hobbies and passion, but here I am very content to be “a househusband". Doing well the role of “the rear” is also contributing to my wife’s success in scientific research. Standing behind her does not mean I am weaker”. Mentally, a husband must remain the “mainstay” of his family. Dr. Tram shared, “I still respect my husband because while he is very busy with housework, he still studies by himself to broaden his chemical and medical knowledge by which he supports me a lot.”
At the beginning days with Royal Virgin plant, her friends and co-workers did not believe that she could succeed. However, her husband still trusted her and tried his best to encourage her. She spent tens of thousands of dollars - the prize money for her scientific research in Bulgaria and all the money selling her house and land buying seedlings. Then, she tirelessly cultivated Royal Virgin plant on a trial. When the first capsules were manufactured, her husband volunteered as "a hamster" to test its effects and side effects. Referring to this, he smiled, “70 years old, I'm still in good health with glowing complexion thanks to Royal Virgin plant!”
“A woman working in scientific research field must be very strong and aggressive, so two strong personalities living under one roof, how can this be reconciled?". Dr. Tram smiled, “No matter how strong I am outside, at home I am still a small and frail wife. If I can manage my work, I still enjoy time in the kitchen, cooking delicious dishes by myself for my husband. When traveling abroad I knit sweater for my daughter or wrote letter to them. Though I have passion for science, I cannot lose the sacred role of a wife and a mother. Therefore, if anyone asks in what way I am happy, I would answer that I have two happy things, one for science, one for my family.”
She concludes, "Happiness also needs to be nurtured and protected, especially you have to control all the new feelings first, then you can control your happiness. It was the time when I was abroad for 8 years, people commented, “Women going abroad a long time are likely to be in distress”. Nevertheless, I believe in my ability to control it. If realizing having ability to maintain one’s family is one’s greatest asset, nobody wants to abandon it”. So her husband does, very serious in emotional aspect so he can build trust in his spouse.
We have two daughters who are both very good and successful. He laughed, ‘Our teaching method is not teaching so much. They just looked and learned from our lifestyles, learning styles and working styles to get better. The importance of teaching children is that the parents must be exemplary. For example, if you want your children to have desire to learn, you must also be very willing to study, study anytime and anywhere. From that, your children just look and follow.”
Although in their old age, they are still seen to passionately talk about science whenever they sat with each other in their leisure time. He was a lecturer about environment and chemistry, so he is always ready to discuss with his wife about pharmaceuticals. Perhaps, it is also an important balance to make her admire him despite her high social standing. That balance helps to maintain her family happiness.

Reported by Tran Trieu